I'm not here this isn't happening

I am of no consequence here anymore. I float in on a cloud, with memories of past erasures erased, expecting the same embrace from 5 years ago. I am an idea, a rumor, a pretty face, a funny joke, a story from that one time.

Where am I?

I had a drink with my good friend from highschool and told her that most of my friends in SF have known me for less than a year. She was absolutely blown away by this and told me she has known all her friends for at least 8 years.

Where are my roots?

I have been away from here for so long that I can't swoop in and expect to blend in with the scenery anymore. I just get snippits of lives, pieces of pictures, a summary of a year, a story from that one time.

I pretend to know people. They pretend to know me. They miss the me I used to be.

I wondered how she could have forgotten me, and then I remembered that I am a novelty, someone completely removed from her everyday thoughts. She doesn't even return my calls. She never returns anyone's calls.

I feel like I'm floating on air, but not in the elated, dreamlike way in which people describe. I feel like my feet are inches from the floor and I can't shake that falling feeling. This is no longer my home in any respect, and I am barely settled into my new apartment in the city. I desperately crave stability but feel that is it far from my reach. I should be used to it, but as a Taurus, it's hard to float.